Letting go to hold on
I have thought about quitting my job to pursue entrepreneurship for a long time. Far longer than the moment that led to my decision. It's funny how we spend our entire lives thinking about bold choices, yet in the end, it all comes down to one defining moment. Not half as long or mentally taxing as the events that led up to it. That's my story of letting go and embracing the freedom to innovate and evolve.
Without knowing it, 2020 would be my year of change. At the beginning of the year, I began making preparations to resign from my 8-year plus position for an organization, with the plan that December 2020 would be my last month with the company. But it would not be without fear. I thought of all that could go wrong and the long-term impacts of my decision. After all, I was purchasing a new home outside of town—a move that would take me even further away from my work location. The move happened, and though I loved my new home and city, I was still unhappy with the realities of work. I wanted change, and I knew I had to create it. But the timing seemed inconvenient. The world was on lockdown, and like most parents of school-aged children, I found myself smack in the middle of a new normal of virtual school administration while juggling my own virtual work responsibilities. It was a lot. But it was what happened next that shook me to my core and accelerated my decision.
In what seemed like a barrage of dark, cryptic messages, my social media news feed went from the typical daily activities to a collection of sombre, disturbing posts and videos of George Floyd's death. In an instant, I was numb. I desperately wanted to cry but couldn't find the tears. I was hurt and in a lot of pain. Including the silence that followed at my job from my leaders and colleagues. Day after day, no mention of Floyd. No check-in on my mental health as one of the only black employees at the organization. Just silence. I am not saying my colleagues were obligated to ensure my mental health, but it would have been nice. The helplessness I felt soon changed to shock and again to intense emotional pain. And so one morning at the end of our zoom meeting, I took advantage of the last few minutes for questions to share my thoughts on what no one wanted to discuss. The result would be more silence. In that moment, I knew I needed to move on. I had to let go to hold on to my better self. And though I tossed and turned the entire night after that fateful zoom call, the next morning, I woke up with a clear vision. I typed my resignation, and the rest is history.
Letting go was the best thing that ever happened to me. Today I am a freelance event planner while pursuing a degree in marriage and family therapy. But the best part has been the growth and healing that took place in my heart and mind. I have not arrived at my destination, but I am so excited for the journey. I am surrounded by so much love from my husband, family and children, but above all, I know for sure that I had to let go so God could hold my hand. I invite you to take this crazy cool journey with me. With love, Sid